I am in a season of waiting. Waiting for clarity, waiting for direction for my next steps. Waiting for my heart's desires to be fulfilled. I've heard that waiting is not inactive, but it's preparing for something that is to come. But it is still preparing, focused on what is to come.
Interestingly enough, I went to a conference at a church in Lancaster city this weekend called Acts Now, and something that was said that stuck with me is that when we focus on the past and the future, we miss out on the "now" that God is calling us to live in. I live in a culture that is very much about planning and making sure my bases are covered for what might happen later. I save money because I never know when something might happen that I need it. I dream about the future because it's more fulfilling than the present (or so I think). But every dollar I save for my own future is an opportunity I'm missing to see what God could do with it in someone else's life right now. And every moment I spend planning for the future is a moment where I am not living God's call on my life for right now. To be fair, I'm in a season where I'm struggling to hear God's call clearly because of personal issues and desires getting in the way. But what if I let God give me a whim that I follow? What if in my waiting I actually take action, instead of just constantly praying that God will make it clear what needs to happen next?
I don't believe it's an accident that this thought came up this week, right before I go with the youth group to Sharing With Appalachian People (SWAP) in Kentucky for a week, leaving early Monday morning. I also don't think it's a coincidence that before going to this conference, I had already decided that my goal for the week at SWAP was to be present. I chose this goal because of everything on my mind right now that has me focused on the "what's next?" question as I live in transition. But my prayer is that this week (and beyond) I will learn to live focused on the "what's now?" question regardless of what I hope for "what's next." Pray for boldness and courage to live in the moment and be constantly asking God, "What's now, Abba?"
I’m in the same stage right now, Jamila!
ReplyDeleteI recently wrote out this prayer:
Lord,
I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I’m lacking purpose. Lacking direction. Waiting for a project, waiting for a calling. Filling in gaps myself because I can’t be idle (right?).
God, I don’t know how to operate without goals and assignments and measurable progress.
I know You’re working on me and in me. But it’s hard to see- to pinpoint -my progress. I know You brought me here, but it’s hard to understand why.
What am I supposed to be doing? I feel like I’ve exhausted all the options that make sense.
And I’m not against options I don’t understand, I just don’t see anything You’re obviously leading me toward.
—
Then, in listening, I felt He responded by revealing these things:
-Knowing the plan/goal/next step puts me back in control - which is not what He wants or what I need
-If it were time for a “next step”, God would reveal it to me.
-His refreshing comes from time spent with Him. Not business or productivity. (“...that seasons of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord...”Acts 3:20)
-Psalm 23 (He gives me good things like green pastures for me to rest in and quiet waters -which symbolize peace to me- He renews my life. He leads me down the right paths. When I go through a dark valley - I originally thought of this as suffering, but now I think it is simply a time when I can’t see what’s ahead because - I fear no danger for He is with me. His rod and staff -His discipline and guidance- they comfort me.)
-A lady sitting next to me in the coffee shop as I was contemplating and praying about all of this started talking about being like a fountain and pouring into others, but not being able to do that when your fountain runs dry.
All of that to say, He’s continually reminding me that being in His presence is the only good way to live - it may look like following a whim or it may look like more dedicated prayer time, or it may look like simply resting. But as long as I am seeking Him, He reminds me that I won’t be disappointed.
I love you friend!
I’m tagging you in another note I wrote on Facebook ;)